Separation Anxiety - Tips from Dr Deborah MacNamara

Dr Deborah MacNamara helps caring adults make sense of human development, so they can lead with insight and create the conditions for children to truly flourish - at home, in school, and in life.

Separation anxiety is a natural and healthy response in young children. It reflects their deep need for attachment, closeness, and care from their primary caregivers. When children protest, cling, or cry when it's time to say goodbye, they are not being difficult—they are expressing a strong instinct to stay connected to the people they depend on.

While separations (like childcare or work) are often unavoidable, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely, but to support children through it in ways that strengthen their sense of security.

Children cope better with separation when they feel connected to trusted adults, have space to express their emotions, and can hold onto a sense of ongoing connection with their parent.

Key Takeaways

• Separation anxiety is normal
  Clinginess, crying, and resistance are signs of healthy attachment—not harm.
• Attachment is the foundation
  The stronger a child’s bond with caregivers, the more secure they feel—even during separation.
• Build trust with substitute caregivers
  Help your child form a warm, trusting relationship with caregivers—this reduces anxiety over time.
• Don’t rush independence
  Independence grows from feeling deeply cared for, not from pushing separation too early.
• Welcome tears, don’t suppress them
  Sadness about missing you is natural and healthy—children need support expressing it.
• Bridge the separation
  Reassure them about when you’ll return and give them something tangible (like a photo or object) to stay connected.
• Focus on connection, not quick fixes
  Supporting relationships and emotional expression is more effective than trying to “stop” the anxiety.

‍

The full article can be found here:

https://macnamara.ca/separation-anxiety-when-saying-good-bye-is-hard/

‍