Supporting the Whole Child: Why Meeting Tamariki Where They Are Matters

When we think about helping our children thrive, it's easy to focus on just one area—learning the alphabet, using their manners, sharing with friends. But true growth happens when we support the whole child—te tamaiti katoa—nurturing not just their minds, but their hearts, wairua (spirit), bodies, and relationships.

This is called whole-child support, and it’s especially powerful for neurodivergent tamariki—those whose brains process the world differently, including children with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other cognitive differences.

What Is Whole-Child Support?

Whole-child support is a holistic approach to raising and teaching children. Rather than expecting every child to fit into the same box, we ask:

• What does this child need right now?
• How can we honour who they are—culturally, neurologically, emotionally?
• How do we create safe, affirming environments where they feel seen, heard, and valued?

Whole-child support means recognising that development isn’t a race—it’s a journey. And for neurodivergent tamariki, that journey may look different from the typical path. That doesn’t make it less valid—it makes it theirs.

Why It Matters

When we meet children where they are, they flourish.

We’ve all heard the saying “treat others how you want to be treated,” but maybe a better approach is: treat others how they want to be treated.

Every child brings their own mauri (life force) into the world. They see, feel, and experience things uniquely. For neurodivergent children, that uniqueness can sometimes be misunderstood as “misbehaviour,” “delays,” or “defiance.” But often, these are simply signs that a child is communicating in the way they know how—and needs our support, not punishment.

As American Educator Shanna Peeples once powerfully said: “Equality is everyone gets shoes. Equity is all the shoes fit.”

Whole-child support is about finding the shoes that fit each tamaiti—not forcing everyone into the same pair.

What Whole-Child Support Looks Like in Everyday Life

For parents and caregivers, whole-child support might look like:

• Regulation over compliance: Helping a child feel safe and regulated before expecting them to follow directions.
• Sensory-friendly environments: Dimming lights, reducing noise, allowing movement, or providing sensory tools.
• Communication support: Using visuals, sign, AAC, or simplified language to help a child express themselves.
• Honouring neurodiversity: Embracing your child’s interests—even if they’re passionate about vacuum cleaners or bugs for months!
• Whānau-centred care: Involving extended family, community, and cultural knowledge in the child’s development.
• Rest over rush: Understanding that rest, play, and emotional safety are as important as learning letters and numbers.

Meeting Tamariki Where They Are

A child who is melting down may not be “acting out”—they may be overwhelmed. A child who doesn’t make eye contact may not be “disrespectful”—they may be communicating in a different way. A child who isn’t talking yet isn’t necessarily behind—they’re developing in their own time.

We meet tamariki where they are by:

• Observing without judgment
• Supporting rather than fixing
• Adapting environments instead of expecting full adaptation from the child
• Listening deeply—to words, to behaviour, to body language

Aroha, Manaakitanga, and Neurodiversity

When we support the whole child, we embrace aroha (love, compassion), manaakitanga (care, respect, hospitality), and whanaungatanga (connection, relationships).

We recognise that neurodiversity isn’t something to “fix”—it’s something to understand, affirm, and support. All brains are different. All children deserve dignity, inclusion, and the right to be fully themselves.

Final Thoughts

Supporting the whole child isn’t always easy—especially in a world that pushes for early achievement, neat behaviour, and ticking developmental boxes. But when we take a step back, breathe, and see our tamariki for who they truly are, we open the door for deeper connection and real growth. Our experienced clinicians are hugely passionate about what they do and can offer support and developmental guidance to help you to understand your 'whole child'.

Let’s choose to value who our tamariki are—not just what they can do. And let’s keep those shoes fitting just right.

He taonga te tamaiti. Every child is a treasure. Let’s treat them that way.